The Philippines was a Spanish colony for more than 300 years, and a regular pit stop of Chinese traders long before the country was claimed for and named after King Philip of Spain. Albeit short-lived, the Japanese occupation during World War II also left indelible marks in the Filipino psyche. The Americans came last, and the Westernization of the Filipinos can be largely attributed to them.
Communicating the ‘Pinoy’ Way
Despite the influences left behind by various colonial powers, the Philippines customs and etiquette remain largely undiluted.
Compared to Americans, ‘Pinoys’ (slang for Filipinos) use less words and more gestures. When asked with questions that start with “where”, Filipinos are likely to move their heads in a certain direction and point with their puckered lips. Nodding and shaking heads indicate yes or no, but so is raising eyebrows (yes) and shrugging of shoulders (I don’t know/maybe/perhaps).
Among Filipinos, staring is not impolite. It may just indicate curiosity to the person stared at (which a lot of foreign travelers get).
Seniority is the Best Policy
When introduced, Filipinos shake hands in greeting, but often under formal circumstances (as in doing business). Shaking hands however is too formal outside business introductions. A smile and a “Hi” to the person introduced is enough.
Hugging, kissing and patting on the back are freely exchanged among friends and acquaintances of opposite sexes. A younger person may hug or kiss an elder in (familiar) greeting, but not pat on the back. Patting on the back can be done by a superior to indicate a job well done to a subordinate, or to greet in passing or congratulate a peer. The more appropriate greeting to someone (a generation) older is to take their hands and bring it to your forehead, a gesture coupled with a verbal greeting “mano po”.
In Mindanao (Southern Philippines) where there is a significant Muslim population, interactions between men and women are different. Men may shake hands with each other, but not with a woman; a man may bow in greeting instead. In some parts of Mindanao (like Davao, the main transport hub of the region) that have assimilated Western customs and practices, exchanging greetings in the manner of Luzon and Visayas (Northern and Central Philippines, respectively) is more favored than the Muslim’s way.
Regardless of regional differences, however, elders are always given due deference and respect. They are consulted on important matters (it is unthinkable for Filipino couples to get married and not get their parents’ consent, even if they are of age); given the most preferential treatment at home and in public (please vacate the seat for the elderly); and accorded a highly esteemed place in the community (in choosing a local leader, all else being equal, age is a deciding factor). Defying seniority and parental authority is considered grave disrespect.
Filipinos Don’t Go Dutch
Buying-your-own-for-your-own is viewed as selfish behavior among Filipinos. When a friend offers an invitation for dinner or night out, it is implicit that he foots the bill. Very rarely will a Filipino under this circumstance expect that others will share the expense.
Similarly, a traveler may want to establish rapport with the locals by volunteering to pick up the tab.
Filipinos are Foodies
The best way to a Pinoy’s heart is through his stomach. Food and drinks are shared wherever there are gatherings, so eat your share. Don’t be afraid to burp afterwards as it is taken in good humor.
Filipinos have a habit of leaving the last piece of food on the serving tray to indicate that they are not really that hungry. In large gatherings, this is duly observed, but in smaller get-togethers anyone wishing to eat the last morsel can just say so and not feel sheepish.
Because Mindanao is largely Muslim, their food preferences are different. They are prohibited by their faith to consume alcohol or pork, so only offer them food and drinks labeled ‘halal’ (permissible).
To Display or Not Display?
Filipinos are conspicuously Westernized in their clothing, gadgetry and food choices (with some healthy exception in the Muslim community). So does this mean you can wear your romantic heart on your sleeve?
It depends. In highly urbanized centers and high-traffic tourist locations, public display of affection is treated neutrally. Outside of these areas however intimate gestures are best exchanged privately.
When it comes to expressing emotions, Filipinos are less inclined to be direct and categorical. They often couch their true feelings with ‘politically correct’ words to avoid conflict. When you find yourself in a situation where you need to complain (shoddy merchandise, poor customer service, wrong food served), do so in the most friendly way.
Filipinos are a warm and hospitable bunch. They are big on welcoming visitors and ensuring that they have nothing but a good time. This means that if caught in a socially awkward situation, you will likely be forgiven for not staying in line.
Photos by Cherry, Jun Acullador and Marlon Garcia
