Male members of the Minangkabau society are certainly valuable members of the community who participate not only in critical household management, but in the management of religious and political matters as well. Economically, however, it is the Minang women who inherit land and property from their mothers and attend to their management, while their husbands may elect to remain home and attend to the children and the household.

Sumatra Minangkabau Home (Photo by Marc Veraart)

But the Minang culture is only one of the 300 that characterize the unbelievably multi-colored Indonesian society. While a matrilineal society exists in Western Sumatra, it does not hold true for the rest of Indonesia which is predominantly Muslim (and therefore regard women differently).

As varied as the culture and customs of Indonesians as it may seem, there are certain traits shared by all regardless of religion or region of origin. Below are some guidelines for decorum a visitor should observe as he or she explores this country of 300 cultures.

• As with the rest of Southeast Asia, elders are accorded with respect. This means that age is an important function in hierarchy.
• Figures of authority and those who have achieved lofty status are given precedence and respect.
• Direct language is considered offensive. Indonesians, like the rest of their Southeast Asian neighbors, are not comfortable with confrontation, as this usually results to humiliating someone, which is culturally considered extremely rude.
• Exchanging proper greetings and saying “thank you” are indicators of good behavior. Because Indonesia is more than 80% Muslim, greet people, especially those in conservative Muslim regions, with “assalamu alaikum” (peace be upon you) and respond to it by saying “walaikum salam” (and peace be upon you).
• Handshakes, nods and smiles are accepted forms of acknowledging another person. When it is not possible to do so because of distance, you can put your hands together on your chest and blow slightly.
• Do not touch the opposite sex in greeting, especially when you are greeting a conservative Muslim.
• Do not touch the head of an Indonesian adult, as the head is considered sacred.
• Do not point with your index finger. Point with your thumb instead.
• Do not raise your chin and place your arms on your hips akimbo. It is understood as an expression of superiority.
• Modulate your voice. Speaking too loud is considered inappropriate.
• Always pass food or gifts to another person using your right hand.
• Similarly, shake hands, touch someone, eat with, receive something or point to something or someone using the right hand.
• Do not make sounds while eating (slurping, sound of utensils) nor play with food.
• Wait for others to start eating or drinking. If you want your drinks refilled, finish the whole glass or cup. If you want to have second helpings, feel free to get some more from the communal dish.
• Wear appropriate clothing when entering mosques. Individuality expressed in skimpy fashion is not only disrespectful in this predominantly Muslim country, it may result to expulsion from the vicinity.

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Vietnamese people (Photo by Davidlohr Bueso)

Greeting

The traditional Vietnamese greeting is done by pressing the palms of your hands together and doing a slight bow. Since Western influence has become stronger in the past few years, it is perfectly acceptable to shake hands in greeting.

However, traditional Vietnamese sensibilities still hold strong. Shaking hands are accompanied with a slight bow of the head. If you are meeting an older person or a woman, wait for them to take the initiative. If they do not extend their hand in greeting, a slight bow or nod will suffice.

Similarly, shaking hands or nodding in acknowledgement when departing is also accepted.

If you wish to greet someone with a traditional Vietnamese greeting, make sure to have someone teach you the proper way of saying it. Their language is very tonal, and the meanings of one word can change depending on how you say it.

Daily Dealings

For the Vietnamese, it is impolite to point to anything or anyone with your finger. Rather, make a gesture of presentation by using your open palm to indicate what you are talking about.

It is also considered rude to ask someone to come closer by crooking your finder. Instead, extended your arm with the palm down and move your fingers downward.

When you are handing someone an object, use both your hands. Refrain from touching another person’s head, particularly a child’s. Holding hands is also frowned upon, and it is also unacceptable for couples to be affectionate in public.

Ho Chi Minh City (Photo by Aleksandr Zykov)

Home Visits

If you are visiting someone’s home, bring a hostess gift. Items that can be used at home like soap are welcome. If you know beforehand that there will be elderly or children present, bringing them gifts is also acceptable.

As with many Asian countries, the Vietnamese make the practice of leaving footwear outside their homes to prevent dust from tracking in. Do not use your feet to point at anything, especially towards an altar or anything that is considered sacred.

Eating

The Vietnamese eat their food with chopsticks. That said, never poke your chopsticks upright in a rice bowl (or in any dish for that matter). Instead, place them on the side of your bowl or across on top of it. Never tap the sides of the bowl, particularly if you are eating rice, and try to finish everything.

If you are invited to someone’s home to eat, wait for you to be shown where you will seat. Do not sit down until the eldest member of the household does so. Your host will also serve you your food, but if you feel that you have enough, politely cover your bowl with your hand to turn down additional servings.

Business Etiquette

When business people meet each other for the first time, it is considered polite to exchange business cards. Give your business card using both hands, and receive cards in the same manner.

Meetings are set in advance. As with anywhere around the world, punctuality is important. Arrive on time for meetings, and if you are going to be late, let them know.

Saving Face

Like most Asians, the Vietnamese consider saving one’s face very important. Preserving one’s pride and dignity is crucial for the Vietnamese and should be taken seriously. Because of this, most conversations will not involve direct put-downs or agreements in order to avoid conflict or unpleasantness. Foreigners who are not used to this roundabout way of talking may find it frustrating, but will be rewarded for being patient.

Dress Code

Despite strong influences from the West and modern sensibilities, Vietnamese on the whole are rather conservative. Women should wear modest, non-revealing clothing and apply make-up with a light hand, particularly if visiting places of worship or attending business meetings.

Men are expected to don smart casual to business formal clothes when attending corporate meetings or events.

The Vietnamese are on the whole are welcoming and tolerant of foreign visitors. Take time to observe how people deal with each other and follow their footsteps. Knowing that you made the effort to know they do things will endear you more to the locals and may be of help as you explore their beautiful country.

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Manila Cathedral

Communicating the ‘Pinoy’ Way

Despite the influences left behind by various colonial powers, the Philippines customs and etiquette remain largely undiluted.

Compared to Americans, ‘Pinoys’ (slang for Filipinos) use less words and more gestures. When asked with questions that start with “where”, Filipinos are likely to move their heads in a certain direction and point with their puckered lips. Nodding and shaking heads indicate yes or no, but so is raising eyebrows (yes) and shrugging of shoulders (I don’t know/maybe/perhaps).

Among Filipinos, staring is not impolite. It may just indicate curiosity to the person stared at (which a lot of foreign travelers get).

Filipinos family

Seniority is the Best Policy

When introduced, Filipinos shake hands in greeting, but often under formal circumstances (as in doing business). Shaking hands however is too formal outside business introductions. A smile and a “Hi” to the person introduced is enough.

Hugging, kissing and patting on the back are freely exchanged among friends and acquaintances of opposite sexes. A younger person may hug or kiss an elder in (familiar) greeting, but not pat on the back. Patting on the back can be done by a superior to indicate a job well done to a subordinate, or to greet in passing or congratulate a peer. The more appropriate greeting to someone (a generation) older is to take their hands and bring it to your forehead, a gesture coupled with a verbal greeting “mano po”.

In Mindanao (Southern Philippines) where there is a significant Muslim population, interactions between men and women are different. Men may shake hands with each other, but not with a woman; a man may bow in greeting instead. In some parts of Mindanao (like Davao, the main transport hub of the region) that have assimilated Western customs and practices, exchanging greetings in the manner of Luzon and Visayas (Northern and Central Philippines, respectively) is more favored than the Muslim’s way.

Regardless of regional differences, however, elders are always given due deference and respect. They are consulted on important matters (it is unthinkable for Filipino couples to get married and not get their parents’ consent, even if they are of age); given the most preferential treatment at home and in public (please vacate the seat for the elderly); and accorded a highly esteemed place in the community (in choosing a local leader, all else being equal, age is a deciding factor). Defying seniority and parental authority is considered grave disrespect.

Filipinos take care of their elderly

Filipinos Don’t Go Dutch

Buying-your-own-for-your-own is viewed as selfish behavior among Filipinos. When a friend offers an invitation for dinner or night out, it is implicit that he foots the bill. Very rarely will a Filipino under this circumstance expect that others will share the expense.

Similarly, a traveler may want to establish rapport with the locals by volunteering to pick up the tab.

Filipinos are Foodies

The best way to a Pinoy’s heart is through his stomach.  Food and drinks are shared wherever there are gatherings, so eat your share. Don’t be afraid to burp afterwards as it is taken in good humor.

Filipinos have a habit of leaving the last piece of food on the serving tray to indicate that they are not really that hungry. In large gatherings, this is duly observed, but in smaller get-togethers anyone wishing to eat the last morsel can just say so and not feel sheepish.

Because Mindanao is largely Muslim, their food preferences are different. They are prohibited by their faith to consume alcohol or pork, so only offer them food and drinks labeled ‘halal’ (permissible).

To Display or Not Display?

Filipinos are conspicuously Westernized in their clothing, gadgetry and food choices (with some healthy exception in the Muslim community). So does this mean you can wear your romantic heart on your sleeve?

It depends. In highly urbanized centers and high-traffic tourist locations, public display of affection is treated neutrally. Outside of these areas however intimate gestures are best exchanged privately.

When it comes to expressing emotions, Filipinos are less inclined to be direct and categorical. They often couch their true feelings with ‘politically correct’ words to avoid conflict. When you find yourself in a situation where you need to complain (shoddy merchandise, poor customer service, wrong food served), do so in the most friendly way.

Filipinos are a warm and hospitable bunch. They are big on welcoming visitors and ensuring that they have nothing but a good time. This means that if caught in a socially awkward situation, you will likely be forgiven for not staying in line.

Photos by Cherry, Jun Acullador and Marlon Garcia

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Hari Malaysia

It will be beneficial for you to know a little bit of Malaysia’s customs and etiquette before your actual trip to this Southeast Asian country, so any social booboos can be avoided (or at the very least, minimized). Knowing more about what to do in social situations, and how to do them in Malaysia, can also help you in preparing for your social interactions with the gracious Malaysians you will meet as you explore their beautiful country.

Islamic Peace

Social Introductions

Handshakes are commonly used as part of the introductions in Malaysia, although in some instances the handshake may only be exchanged with members of the same gender. A Malaysian male may shake the hand of a man introduced to him, but may refrain from doing the same with a Malaysian woman; the Malaysian male may instead bow in front of the woman as a gesture of greeting, instead of shaking her hand. To be on the safe side, it is best to wait if the person you are introduced to will extend his or her hand for a handshake or will use another manner of greeting, to avoid awkward situations.

More familiar or physical forms of greeting, such as kissing or hugging, is normally reserved for family members; you should avoid doing this for new acquaintances who may become very uncomfortable (or even offended) with the overly familiar gestures. One of the most common Malay greetings is done with the hands outstretched, lightly touching the other person’s hands, and bringing the hands to one’s own chest to signify, “I greet you from the bottom of my heart.” A simpler version of this greeting is done by placing the right hand over the left part of the chest while smiling.

Seniority plays a big role in Malaysian society, and significantly influences the way customs and etiquette are followed. In occasions when introductions are made to a family, the oldest male member of the family should be greeted first; this male member will also be given the best and the highest placed seat at a table or gathering, and is consulted first regarding any matter. In a business setting, the most senior Malaysian should also be the first to be greeted or acknowledged by the most senior member of the other group/party.

Dressing Up

Malaysia is a predominantly Muslim country, and this fact should be taken deeply into consideration when choosing which clothes to wear when going around. It is advisable to wear conservative clothing especially in rural areas, or when planning to enter a mosque or other places of worship. Ladies are advised to wear loose and long pants or skirts, and long-sleeved shirts especially when entering places of worship. Shorts, sleeveless shirts, and revealing clothes should be avoided – the shoulders should almost always be covered; however, dressing up in metropolitan areas such as the capital Kuala Lumpur can be more relaxed.

Colorful dresses and headscarves

Shoes and other footwear are removed before entering a mosque or place of worship, and this practice is also followed in most Malaysian homes (to keep dirt from being brought inside the house). You can usually determine the number of people in a house by checking out the pairs of footwear left outside the door; numerous pairs of shoes by the doorway may mean that there is a large gathering of people inside the house.

All about the Hands

Always use your right hand when accepting, receiving, or passing anything because the left hand is considered to be dirty due to its assumed use in the washroom.

It is considered to be very rude to point using a finger. You can use your whole hand to indicate a place or direction, but never do this when gesturing towards a person. You can instead close your hand into a fist, place your thumb on top, and use this to point or gesture towards a person.

Food and Dining

Muslims are not allowed to consume alcoholic beverages or any dish with pork in it – so don’t insist on buying an alcoholic drink for a Muslim Malaysian. Muslims only consume food that is prepared the Halal way, which means permissible by Islamic law hence why they look for restaurants that are certified Halal, or for food items that were prepared in this manner. Hindus, on the other hand, do not eat beef as they consider the cow to be a sacred animal.

Malaysian Food

The tips above are meant to make your trip to Malaysia a more comfortable and more enjoyable one. If you are placed in a social situation that gives you no idea on what to do next, the best thing to do is to keep your eyes open, and carefully observe what the other people around you are doing. Chances are, you won’t make a (huge) mistake by doing what the majority of people are doing. To paraphrase the popular saying – When in Malaysia, do as the Malaysians do!

Photos by phalinn, Stuck in Customs, travelustful and Danny Choo

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(Photo by Secretary of Defense)

Greeting
Handshaking is the most common form to greet one another, but may differ between ethnicities and sexes. Formal Indians would not shake hands with a member of the opposite sex, nor would Malaysian Muslim men. If in doubt, it is best to bow or if you are a male, you should wait to see if the woman extends her hand first. Also, due to the diversity, understanding names can be complex. The Chinese may have up to three names, and many Malays and Indians do not have surnames. If you are unsure how they should be called, there is no problem with asking politely.

Communication and Body Language
There are four national languages in Singapore; Mandarin, Malay, Tamil, and English. English is the most used when conducting business or politics. Verbal language is quite subtle and indirect causing Singaporeans to rely heavily on body language. Non-verbal messages are sometimes more trusted than verbal messages. It is a good idea to watch your actions and tones. For example, resting your hands on your hips, pointing your feet at someone, or answering a question before taking a pause to think, are each considered to be offensive actions. The Western world communication is not understood. Silence is an important part of communication as it signifies a degree of consideration.

Religion
The variety of ethnicities bring on a variety of religious beliefs. Buddhist (Chinese), Muslim (Malays), Christian, Hindu (Indians), Sikh, Taoist, and Confucianist are the religions practiced by the majority of the population with Buddhism taking the lead. An interesting fact is that these religions merge in Singapore. For example, one temple can host more than one religion and many holy festivals are celebrated by all, despite religious beliefs. Religion is still an integral part of Singapore’s society and many admirable works of architecture are places of worship.

Hierarchy
Singaporean views on hierarchy stem from Confucianism, which focuses on respect of age and status to one’s elders. The elderly are to receive the utmost respect and courtesy. A law was even passed stating that children must assume financial responsibility for their parents, if needed.

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The Wai (Photo by Mark Fischer)

Greeting
The wai is a traditional form of greeting and sign of respect. Unlike the typical handshake, it entails pressing your palms together at chest or nose level and bowing slightly. Normally the younger of the two greeters will bow first. The wai can be used to express hello, goodbye, and thank you. Sawadee is the word used to greet hello.

Body Language
Based on Buddhist beliefs, the head is the most sacred part of the human body, while the feet are the least sacred. Therefore, touching someone’s head is highly offensive, as is pointing feet at someone. Most Thais sit on the floor on their feet tucked under their bodies. Touching people in general is considered too intimate so it is best to keep your hands to yourself.

Dress
Revealing clothes are frowned upon in Thailand. Shorts, low cut shirts, and skimpy bathing suits are all considered offensive, whether worn by a man or woman. It is important to dress modestly, especially when visiting temples. In regards to shoes, it is custom to remove one’s shoes before entering a home or temple.

Religion
Buddhism is practiced by 95% of Thailand’s population. The laws of religion provide freedom and the government respects this to a certain degree. They refuse to recognize any completely new religious groups, which must operate unregistered and freely. Buddhism is such a stronghold to the country that is hard not to notice with the vast amount of Buddha images and temples. Thais worship Buddha images for protection. It is considered highly superstitious and a disruption of harmonious balance if anyone touches a display so avoid this at all costs. Most rules of Thai etiquette are based on their Buddhist religion.

Sexuality
Thailand is one GLBT friendly place compared to most Western countries. Sexuality and preference come without shame. Many Thais engage in sex with both men and women, without worrying about labels. Transexuals, also known as ladyboys or krathoeys stand out, but blend into mainstream society. Drag shows are common entertainment in most gay bars. Nightlife and sex are readily available for those looking for it, straight or not. This openness must be closed though as public displays of affection are forbidden, surprisingly.

Hierarchy
There is a great deal of respect for hierarchy in Thailand as everyone has a place in society. To name a few, respect must be shown to Monks, Royalty, Government Officials, Doctors, Teacher, Parents, and Elders. Speaking of Monks, they are forbidden to have any physical contact with women. Women must respect this rule by avoiding any accidents when passing Monks. It can be common for a Thai to ask many questions to find their hierarchy with a person, especially pertaining to career and family. The highest respect goes to the beloved King of Thailand. His photos are everywhere you turn and when his anthem is played, you must stand up tall. It is actually illegal to criticize him in any way from speaking negatively to destroying Thai currency with his photo. Be careful not to disobey since offenses are punishable.

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